oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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