I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
