she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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