We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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