Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
