Where did you get a picture of my penis
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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