you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
