I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You took a bar mat shot.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
