So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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