sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
