is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
