The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
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A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
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He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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