She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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