True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
