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508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
