Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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