There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
