I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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