dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
