did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
