pop tarts are not kleenex
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
