this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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