Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My vagina just recognized that song.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
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