Where did you get a picture of my penis
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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