yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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