The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
