oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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