Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
