I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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