I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
