we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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