I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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