I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
