Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
