Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
