guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
