pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
