people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
