I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm too high and old for this...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
