Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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