then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
be right there i have to get my cape
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
