Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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