apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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