i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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