At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
