I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
