You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
