We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
