a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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