When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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