Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
