I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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