Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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