Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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