Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
only you would photoshop your dick
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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