omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
