The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
