Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
