I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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