the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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