where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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