i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
