sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
