its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
