the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
