Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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