I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
