whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
