Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.