I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid