I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
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that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
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One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.