I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year