drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My bed smells like the plague
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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